Resilient Hearts

Last night was a very difficult night for me. The combined stress of trying to recover from my injuries, find a job, and being so behind on my bills, finally caught up with me. For the first time in the seven months since our car accident, I felt a total an utter lack of hope. It was as if my very energy was drained from me and my will to fight wiped away. All I could think was that I didn't want to fight any longer and worse yet, that I didn't think I would survive the cocktail of anger and hopelessness that had overtaken me. Despite Travis's words of encouragement and comfort, I had abandoned my fighting will. When I woke up today, my eyes were swollen from hours of crying and my mind was clear. It was important for me to express myself out loud. It helped me to realize that I am, if nothing else, audacious. I always have been. And if I'm going to live this life that God gave me, I'm going to have to take the good with the bad. No body ever said that life was fair and it has been far from easy over the past seven months, but if I made it through that lowest moment of despair, then I can make it through the next and the next and the next, until I've blasted my way through the wall that stands before me. The American Heritage Dictionary gives two definitions for resilience. The first is the most readily accepted definition, but it's the second definition that speaks to me most. "The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed." I have had pressure coming in from every direction. If I can find a way, any way, to get even a fragment of my old life back, I will count myself successful. God wouldn't give me any obstacle too great to overcome.